if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've blown a few things in my day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
