you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
