I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
