You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
