Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
