you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
