I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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