Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I would ride that face into the sunset
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
