Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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