i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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