my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
this is an emotional support booty call
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
