my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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