This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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