What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
