Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I touched a dick in church today
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
