my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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