beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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