I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
