Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
