I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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