I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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