if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am naked and annoyed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
