after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
