I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
