Need sex. Gaining weight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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