she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
