my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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