non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
