You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.