Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants