There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
