her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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