he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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