so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
