Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
