Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize