I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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