just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
