Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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