We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
