...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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