wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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