i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
