Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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