I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
