Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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