U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
People in love make me want to vomit
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
