so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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