We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
