There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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