the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
