At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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