You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
