Just fell off a train. Bad.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
