I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
