guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
