pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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