dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
