WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
