we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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