hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
