Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dear god my vagina.
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