This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
