You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
