mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
