and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I party with great urgency now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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