Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
are you so shy because you have an std?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
