Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
