And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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