Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
