I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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