You just made me feel so damn special
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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